After dayz of thinking how my life ended up this way... Today i realise how vulnerable we are... Anything can happen... We are not the ones who decide what lies in our future... I think it was yesterday...there was news about an NS man...who died when he was on the way to his workplace... I didn't really pay attention to the news...but...when the news reporter said his name... It suddenly hit a raw nerve in me... That name sounds so familiar... In fact... the deceased father's name... really made me think hard... But anywayz...after a few minutes...i kinda gave up and didn't really think much about it... But today... The story was on the front page of today's newspaper... And when i finally saw the deceased picture...i was really shocked.. Because he looked so much like my primary 1 and 2 classmate... And then i looked at the name again... And then it hit me... Itz his brother!!! I felt both sad and remorsed... Eventhough i don't know him that well... I still felt sorry for him... So now, i have no idea how i can send my condolences to him... I have no contact of him at all... I just wish i could do sumthin for him...
Anywayz... i don't think i'm ever gonna work... I'm stuck in this house foreva... My parents kept telling me that itz better for me to just stay at home at look after my younger siblings... And for the past week...i've been feeling so stress-up... Every single day... I've been hearing the same squabbles and arguments and screaming and shoutings.... And... I just felt like running out of the house and just go anywhere...anywhere but my House!!! Argh!! And my family doesn't understand me at all... For the whole afternoon i've been keeping myself busy...walking through and fro...picking up the toys...soiled clothes...biscuit bits...everything lah... Itz hard for this house of mine to be sparkling clean... Oh yah..and not forgetting... forcing my primary 3 brother to do his bloody homework... He alwayz gave reasons not to do his homework...Although his homework is not much but it takes hours for him to finish it...coz... half of the time he was disturbing my youngest brother... And making him cry and make a lotta noise... And then...after a hard days' of work... Instead of giving me a break... My chores continues through the night... When my pri 2 brother asked my father to take for him rice...my father will say..."Go and ask your sister to take for u lah..." And then...wheneva my younger siblings wanted sumthin...it all goes back to be..."Go and ask ur sister lah..." Everything just refers back to ME!!! Itz like i'm the only one who exists in this whole house!!! Itz getting on my nerves you know...!
And today...i finally got my big break which i've been waiting for....for a very, very long time... I took a day off...well not really a day ar...i took half day's off... After vacuuming the house and everything... I went out... I told my mom i was going to the library...which i did lah... And then i went to JP....walk around the mall...for about 3 hours.... Going into practically every single shop... It felt kinda relieved... Finally...I'm alone... A lonely soul...wandering around a huge mall packed with erm...thousands of people...i think... So...it was kinda fun... And then...when it was time to go home...i just let out a huge sigh...
So...i guess...i'm back here...with my same old family members... I guess i'll just have to refrain myself from beating the hell out of my younger siblings when they provoke me... I'll just have to do with only shouting at them...
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